06/28/10

I haven't written in a while
I've been keeping pretty busy this summer

I've been working on getting over things.
Or at least not thinking about them so much
At one point I came to the conclusion that I like to torture myself
by thinking about dates and memories and just everything that reminds me of certain people and I don't understand why I do that to myself.
You see, I'm such a girl in that way
I make it impossible for myself to forget
But I've been working on changing that and it appears to be working
And I've been happy :)

Unfortunately I still have dreams that make me feel otherwise.
However I have something I would like to document
Because I've even made progress in my subconscious state of mind!

First, I had a dream that I messed up on my taxes and I got like $600 back so I could buy a laptop. Now that dream was just straight up rude!

And then right after I had a dream that I was with a certain person, not going to say the name. I was with them and I was like,"When did you get home?" And they didn't really answer that question. Instead they said,"I'm home for good now, I couldn't stand not being with you anymore." Typically, this dream would make me cry. I can't lie, even in the dream I hesitated and basically confessed that I wanted to but I was too hurt to ever trust them again. BUT HERE'S WHERE IT GETS GOOD. Even in my dream, I thought about the person I like right now. And even though I may not even have a chance with them, it was enough for me to be like... I can't be with you, because I have to live and see what happens with other people.

If you know anything about me, you would know that I think about my past too much.
But now I can say that I DID think about my past too much,
but now I finally fucking see that my future holds so much more for me.
Even if I don't find it for a while
my subconscious knows I can't go back.
I have to keep moving forward.

I just needed to document this.
As small of an accomplishment this may seem to you,
it is HUGE to me.

I'd like to end with this.

Although you may never completely get over people you've loved, you can keep them in your heart forever. Just don't let it ruin the love you have for someone new <3